A Day Like This
Have you ever experienced a day when:
- At the moment when you step out from your house, on your way to uni, you feel something is wrong with your stomach and you urgently need to go to the loo.
- There is no turning back because eitherwise you will be late for lecture. Hence, you decide to have it in the toilet when you reach uni.
- At uni, when you just put your bag down and on your way to the loo, the lecturer steps in and speaks in an Indian accent:" Elo everione! Pls siiit down and lecture is gonna starte!"
- Oh well, you suddenly feel better, and think you can tahan for an hour or so. So you decide not to head towards the loo.
- During that one hour, life gets worse and you constantly have to contract your erhm ahem... asshole? to prevent the leakage of the toxicated gas.
- One hour passes and thank god nothing happen. Just when you think its a right time to have it done in the loo, you again suddenly feel better and need no more contraction of muscles. So you think the feeling is gone, and you sit down catching up with your friends in the uni for the 10 minutes break.
- 2nd hour of lecture starts. Just when you are about to start copying notes, the uncomfortable feeling strikes your stomach again.
- You start blaming the wrong timing, and meanwhile start the contracting of muscles also, again.
- You are so afraid of the unintentional leakage of FART that when you see someone looking at you, you think he/she smell your fart and know you are the culprit.
- The contraction of muscles of your buttock makes you feel the fart goes into your stomach, with some weird noise.
- Lecture finally ends. And surprisingly, the feeling (and the fart) ends also. You start cursing your stomach, then start the walking journey back home.
- And on the way home, you and your housemates decided to go for the pizza hut buffet lunch.
- When you arrive in pizza hut and start getting your pizza, the fartling (feeling of farting) haunts you again. In the restaurant. When you are chewing your ham and pineapple pizza.
- It comes and goes. So you think it is not that bad, and continue eating.
- At an instance the fartling and shitling hit the maximum point.
d(fartling)/d(time) = 0 at this point. <= Differentiation.
- You can't take anymore pizza, or any drinks. You hint to your friend that its time get the bill and go home. So yeah, you ask for the bill. The waitress says: "Yes!"
- You wait for 10 minutes and it seems the waitress is taking her own sweet time. Your friends continue to talk about Dota and you just can't join in the conversation, because you have to concentrate in the contraction of muscles.
- After the 10 minutes (which seem like an hour), you finally realise the waitress forgets to send you the bill. BRILLIANT! Wat a right time!
- After paying, you couldn't wait any longer and just walk as fast as you could back home. Then your friends try to make fun of you and start groping your ass, inducing the relaxation of your muscles. Another friend has to key in the wrong pin to enter your building at this time.
- The moment when you step into the house, the toilet is your world. And there starts the &%&$(*&!#@&@#!
- And when you think, ahhhhhhh finally its over its so comfortable time to wipe your ass, you realise only 2 sheets of toilet roll left.
HELP!
I have a day like this, today.
- At the moment when you step out from your house, on your way to uni, you feel something is wrong with your stomach and you urgently need to go to the loo.
- There is no turning back because eitherwise you will be late for lecture. Hence, you decide to have it in the toilet when you reach uni.
- At uni, when you just put your bag down and on your way to the loo, the lecturer steps in and speaks in an Indian accent:" Elo everione! Pls siiit down and lecture is gonna starte!"
- Oh well, you suddenly feel better, and think you can tahan for an hour or so. So you decide not to head towards the loo.
- During that one hour, life gets worse and you constantly have to contract your erhm ahem... asshole? to prevent the leakage of the toxicated gas.
- One hour passes and thank god nothing happen. Just when you think its a right time to have it done in the loo, you again suddenly feel better and need no more contraction of muscles. So you think the feeling is gone, and you sit down catching up with your friends in the uni for the 10 minutes break.
- 2nd hour of lecture starts. Just when you are about to start copying notes, the uncomfortable feeling strikes your stomach again.
- You start blaming the wrong timing, and meanwhile start the contracting of muscles also, again.
- You are so afraid of the unintentional leakage of FART that when you see someone looking at you, you think he/she smell your fart and know you are the culprit.
- The contraction of muscles of your buttock makes you feel the fart goes into your stomach, with some weird noise.
- Lecture finally ends. And surprisingly, the feeling (and the fart) ends also. You start cursing your stomach, then start the walking journey back home.
- And on the way home, you and your housemates decided to go for the pizza hut buffet lunch.
- When you arrive in pizza hut and start getting your pizza, the fartling (feeling of farting) haunts you again. In the restaurant. When you are chewing your ham and pineapple pizza.
- It comes and goes. So you think it is not that bad, and continue eating.
- At an instance the fartling and shitling hit the maximum point.
d(fartling)/d(time) = 0 at this point. <= Differentiation.
- You can't take anymore pizza, or any drinks. You hint to your friend that its time get the bill and go home. So yeah, you ask for the bill. The waitress says: "Yes!"
- You wait for 10 minutes and it seems the waitress is taking her own sweet time. Your friends continue to talk about Dota and you just can't join in the conversation, because you have to concentrate in the contraction of muscles.
- After the 10 minutes (which seem like an hour), you finally realise the waitress forgets to send you the bill. BRILLIANT! Wat a right time!
- After paying, you couldn't wait any longer and just walk as fast as you could back home. Then your friends try to make fun of you and start groping your ass, inducing the relaxation of your muscles. Another friend has to key in the wrong pin to enter your building at this time.
- The moment when you step into the house, the toilet is your world. And there starts the &%&$(*&!#@&@#!
- And when you think, ahhhhhhh finally its over its so comfortable time to wipe your ass, you realise only 2 sheets of toilet roll left.
HELP!
I have a day like this, today.
posted by Gooman at
2:05 PM
5 Comments:
LOL!
that was terribly, terribly funny, dude. tee hee hee.
By
bUttsH4k3r, at 4:24 PM
ohmygod !!! i had the experience before! its hell!!! u should've gone to toilet in the very first place, the 1st chance u've got !!!
ahhh well.. a leeson learned eh?! heehee.
By
taleanski, at 5:50 PM
Well, I didn't have trouble containing SHIT but I remembered I went for lecture without any tissue with me and realised, I HAD RUNNING NOSE. horrible man. I shan't go in depth about the facts of what I had to do to contain my mucus from flying about but yeah, it certainly was the worst HOUR of my life. Lesson learnt: always bring at least 2 packs of tissues with you wherever you go.
By
Anonymous, at 6:43 PM
The whole time I was wondering, why didn't you go to the toilet in the pizza place? Or pop by the loo after class? But yeah, I totally understand what you mean. The agony. :/
By
Anonymous, at 10:02 PM
buttsh4ker: yea the feeling tat time was terribly, terribly bad as well! haha...
nickie: yes big lesson learned! clean and clear your stomach everyday, or every moment u can!
-c-: so happen i ran out of tissue that time. sigh so unlucky. but hey, i used to be mucus boy as well! my t shirt was my permanent tissue.
okay that was when i was young. don yuck!!! =P
.mei: haha like i said, big lesson learned! i know its a bit late to learn though.. haha
By
Gooman, at 5:19 PM
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